It is important for everyone to know that GOD FORGIVES YOU!!! No matter what you have done sin is sin and God forgives and forgets everything! This for me is easy to grasp because I know God is good and that He loves me and forgives me! However, I didn't realize that I had to forgive myself! Our teacher Mike Esposito, made it very clear that we have to forgive ourselves or it will be very easy to give back into temptations! This struck me like a ton of bricks! I had always known I was forgiven but I never forgave myself for my past sins! This was a very hard reality and I knew I needed to deal with it right away! So Wednesday was pretty rough day for me with this realization. I came back right after class and went straight out onto the balcony and just cried. (I was also struggling with people pointing out my quietness this day so everything really pilled up on me.) The next morning in class I just couldn't get into worship I wasn't feeling like the Lord was with me at all! But the Lord always hears and to my surprise the guy that leads worship said something like, for those that aren't feeling the presence of the Lord this morning and are struggling please come up to the front of the room so we can pray for you! I was in shock but I was scarred and didn't want to go up there so it wasn't until a couple of the other guys started walking up there, I walked up. We were all prayed for and almost instantly I felt better! I felt a release of all that was bad in my life and I finally knew I was completely forgiven by God and myself!!!
As the week progress when anything was mentioned about past sins I felt such a peace! My guilt and shame was no longer! The last couple of days have been amazing! I got a little fearful of the quiet time we were going to spend with God this morning but after talking with my amazing friends and the quiet time we shared last night I felt such peace! This morning was amazing and I was given the word RENEWAL! Which obviously came from God with all this change that God is doing in my life right now it is so great! I have a NEW LIFE in JESUS CHRIST!!!
I have made a ton of new friends (brothers and sisters) that already mean so much to me! God is doing great works in each of our lives individually and as a whole!
This song came to mind for me by my wonderful leader during prayer today:
IT IS ONLY WEEK 2!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!