Many of you know if you read my last blog post, the journey that I am currently on. The magazine and all its excitement and struggles! I love it! Now I can't say I feel this way every day because I will tell you there have been days of this journey where I have been ready to throw in the towel. I see myself getting distracted to the point where I'm not focusing on my family, I see the struggle in my teammates, I wonder if God is really in this as much as we thought....all these struggles and doubts have crept into my mind more than once. However the biggest struggle of all for me is dealing with my anxiety. Now anxiety is a term many people don't take seriously if you've never experienced it full force. However anxiety for me means headaches, stomach aches, muscle soreness and complete and utter exhaustion at the end of everyday but a difficulty sleeping through the night.
So how do I deal with this physical reality while living full out for God?
Let me tell you it's not easy and I'm far from good at it! As I write this I can feel the knot in my stomach from a build up of stress. I wonder if all my efforts on the Kickstarter campaign will pay off. I seek the Lord for answers about how we are going to make it moving forward. But the honest truth is that I know I can't do this without God. I can't deal with all the anxiety and stress involved with this magazine without God. We can't overcome our battles without God. The magazine can't survive without the financial blessing only God can provide. We can't get passionate people behind it without God. And yes I am using the word can't and I wouldn't have it any other way. Sure we might be able to try to do some of these things in our own strength but let's be honest I would end up in a bad situation and state of mind. I need God. My anxiety isn't going to go away and so for me God is my only safe haven. The only path I know I can confidently walk. Yes there will be struggles maybe even more so but I'm protected. God has already won. He's already seen the outcome of these two weeks, of this year, of my existence on this earth. He's not bound by our time. He completes what He promises! And this is how I follow God with the sometimes crippling effects of anxiety! He is my hope and my strength to walk every single day!